I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
