Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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