Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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