i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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