i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
