My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
