It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can't special order awesome
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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