how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize