Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
