I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
