My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Houston, we have a squirter
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
