your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
