how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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