mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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