I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
