I cockslap morals
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
