It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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