Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.