just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.