She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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