he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?