lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"