Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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