don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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