hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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