I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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