So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
