Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
