I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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