All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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