I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize