I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
God, I missed his penis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
