If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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