he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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