He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
