I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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