So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
