i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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