wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
