do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
