I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
