Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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