oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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