I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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