She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
