It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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