I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
