the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
