So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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