I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
