You just made me feel so damn special
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
