her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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