can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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