I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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