Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
