I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
God I need to hump something, right now.
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