his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
