So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
