he wants to bone in the snuggie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
