Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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