He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
