I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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