For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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