She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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