literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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