We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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