Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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