just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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