Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
