there's paper in my vomit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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