I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
