I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
