I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
