woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
