That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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