I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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