I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need a beard to bite.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
